Stats: Published: 2023-06-05 Words: 19,425 Chapters: 1/1
The envelope had been stuffed to the brim, and was bulging slightly. The top had been reinforced with transparent tape. On the bottom corner was a hastily drawn black cat, and a sunflower. Basil frowned.
The envelope was from Sunny.
As one could imagine, Basil had a mini crisis.
02.22.2025: Hi! So, my site is going to have different notes from the Ao3 version of this fic.
I began writing In Pursuit of Normality a little bit after I played through the original PC version of Omori back in 2020. It went by a few other names, and was actually the 2nd chapter of another fanfic I wrote named 'Pharmakon.' I like this version of the story better though. By all accounts this is not my first fanfiction, however, it's the first one I made that I really paid close attention to when drafting / writing. I loved the process, I loved planning it out. I printed physical copies of the drafts so I can read them in my room and correct them with red pen! (A fun, but tedious idea.)
It was a small padded yellow envelope that had arrived Friday morning. Basil didn’t think much of it when he got home after school. He grabbed it, along with Polly’s magazine subscription, and the utility bills for the house. He’d left everything on the kitchen table, and thought Polly would take what was hers at the end of the day - strange yellow mail included.
But when Basil woke up on Saturday, the envelope was still sitting on the table. He walked over to it, confused, and cautiously inspected it.
The envelope had been stuffed to the brim, and was bulging slightly. The top had been reinforced with transparent tape. On the bottom corner was a hastily drawn black cat, and a sunflower. Basil frowned.
The envelope was from Sunny.
As one could imagine, Basil had a mini crisis.
The mail had then sat neatly on top of the drawer beside Basil’s bed for the rest of the Saturday morning, though it won’t stay there for long. The envelope will be moved, several times, from Basil’s kitchen table, to the back of his closet, to the trash bin in the kitchen, then, finally, back in his bedroom. There had been an occasion where Basil had thought about kicking it under his bed, but the teen sighed deeply, and instead set aside his polaroid camera and put the mail in its place.
Basil thought about calling Aubrey about this, but he hesitated.It’s… just a package, it’s not a phone call. Basil was in control. He doesn’t even need to open it. It’s no big deal, it’s just paper, and glue, and letters that his ex-best friend insisted on sending him every few weeks. Basil usually had Polly send them back each time he got one. But it seems that Sunny is not willing to back down.
Basil can’t help but feel a tad bitter about the situation. He tried to reach out to Sunny too. But Basil’s desperate attempts in the past were often met with failure.
Basil didn’t want to reconcile. He didn’t want to know what Sunny has been up to since he left. He couldn’t fathom why Sunny insisted on checking in on everyone in Faraway Town. Kel, Hero and Aubrey got calls from him, and he asks about nearly every single resident of Faraway Town. Basil didn’t even know his neighbor to the right had a kid! Jesse’s always in his room, and yet somehow Sunny, the resident shut-in, somehow knew his name.
Basil scoffed.
It’s as if the other boy had sprouted wings and finally became the social butterfly Mari had always suspected him of being. Well, good for him then. Good for all of them. They can all be friends and sing around campfires, or do whatever it is extroverts do when they crave social interaction. Basil tried to enjoy the book he’s been reading before bed, but he was too agitated. He had bit his lip until it was swollen. There were small tears in the corners of his book’s pages, so Basil finally put it away. And, he'd just noticed it, but he’d been pulling out strands of his hair.
He… should get some rest. He’ll be up all night if he dwelled on the issue any longer. Basil struggled with insomnia to begin with, and an extra layer of anxiety is not good for his health.
Basil thought about the advice his therapist had given him. Be patient with yourself. Break up big tasks into smaller, manageable ones.
Ask. For. Help.
Basil will ask Aubrey what to do about the envelope tomorrow. So, he went to sleep, feeling confused, angry, and a little annoyed that this is the first night in months he’s gone to bed crying.
Basil hasn’t spoken to Sunny since he was released from the hospital. The last conversation they had ended horribly. Basil lashed out at him uncontrollably, angrily, harshly, then immediately begged for forgiveness. After hanging up he felt irrationally angry and was ready to burst at any moment. He also felt very sad, and lonely. There was so much hurt in him that he couldn’t bear it.
Basil wallowed in deep regret, and cried uncontrollably. He often had anxiety attacks after talking to Sunny. Maybe he should call back, apologize, and say he’s sorry. No. What if he was bothering Sunny who’s trying to move on - What if-
Aubrey had enough of it. Aubrey, Kel and Hero had come for their daily visit, but had caught Basil coming down from a wave of anxiety attacks. They didn’t need to guess what had happened. Without a single word, Aubrey had stepped into the room and ripped the phone from the wall, tearing the phone cord from its socket and snapping it.
She started to yell, “Basil, if Sunny fuckin’ drives you crazy, then you have no obligation to call him. Don’t take his calls either!”
Basil began crying again, and attempted to suppress his loud sniffles and hics to no avail.
Aubrey winced, and lowered her voice. “Look, you gotta take care of yourself. We’ll… We’ll talk to him, you know we’ll take care of him. You need to be apart until you’re feeling better, Basil. Do you want to stay at the hospital for another week? Don’t you want to attend your grandmother’s funeral?”
Basil nodded, his face red and messy. He wanted to scream, wanted to protest. What if Sunny needs me? What if I need him? But he was tired. Aubrey was right. He’s been in the hospital longer than he should have been. His immune system was weaker than most people, but on top of the mental strain and panic attacks, he had been bedridden for weeks now.
“You didn’t have to pull the whole phone out of the wall, Aubrey…” muttered Kel. Kel looked mildly uncomfortable, like he knew that his optimistic outlook wouldn’t work this time around. He looked around the room until his gaze finally landed on Basil.
Basil couldn’t place the expression on Kel’s face, couldn’t read what Kel was thinking, and that made Basil panic. His lungs suddenly couldn’t cope with the stress, and he was wracked with a coughing fit.
Aubrey tossed the parts that were once the hospital phone into Kel’s face. The other teen barely avoided getting smacked. Under her breath, Basil could hear Aubrey harshly whisper, “Look what you’ve done!”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what I did wrong,” Kel whined under a hiss. “All I did was look at him,” Kel pleaded, his tone confused.
With a sigh, Hero rose from the chair he’d been sitting in and hauled Kel toward the exit.
“We’ll ask for a new one,” Hero said as he escorted his brother out. Aubrey gave him a grateful smile, then stared awkwardly at the door as it shut. She mumbled something to herself, but Basil couldn’t hear her over his own hysterical sobs.
Once they left, Aubrey silently sat on the foot of Basil’s bed. She waited patiently as Basil forced himself to calm down. It took a few minutes, but Basil had suppressed his sobs into soft hics, and the occasional sniffle.
“We need to talk,” she said quietly. “Sunny is going to want to call you, and you’re going to want to answer. But you can’t. You shouldn’t. He’s… I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Aubrey muttered to herself. “He’s not good for you, Basil.”
Basil frowned, and pinched the inside of his left palm until it hurt. He’s… not looking forward to another conversation with Sunny. But the unpleasant calls weren’t the other boy’s fault. It was Basil’s. Maybe Basil should be more considerate. Maybe Basil shouldn’t let his temper get the better of him. Maybe -
“Do you know what you look like when you answer his calls?” Aubrey asked, her voice barely above a whisper. He’s never heard her voice shake before. "You look… like you’re not yourself, Basil. There’s this awful dark expression on your face…” Aubrey stopped and sniffled. She turned to him, her eyes wide and pleading. “You look so scared.”
Aubrey shook her head, and rubbed her eyes. The room was quiet, save for the sound of the air conditioning and the metallic creeks of the hospital bed. Basil’s fist was clenched so tight, he could feel his nails puncture the palm of his skin. He was horrified, and on the verge of breaking down again. But what’s the use in wallowing? What’s the use in holding it all inside again?
There’s a truth deep inside Basil’s heart that he doesn’t want to admit, doesn’t want to speculate or look into. But he can’t avoid what’s in his head forever, he can’t hide that there’s something wrong with him in ways he can’t comprehend. And yet, despite his inadequacy, his flaws and everything horrible he felt within himself, Basil wanted to be comforted. Basil wanted his friends to stay with him, wanted someone to tell him it’ll all be okay.
Basil was tired. And he was scared. He was so terrified of losing everything and everyone, that it made him physically and mentally sick.
“Aubrey, I need help,” he pleaded frantically, sobbing as he covered his face with his hands.
Basil promised himself that he’d never ever show his precious friends this vulnerable side of him. This desperate side, this part of him that was constantly afraid. This fear consumed him, corrupted him, and it tore through the seams of the shy nervous boy he once was and unleashed an uncontrollable monster. The monster wanted to be safe, it wanted his friends to be nearby. It would do anything, to keep the status quo.
And then, Sunny had seen it. He saw the tainted side of Basil’s personality that he’s tried to hide under a facade for so long. The putrid side. The vile side. The monster in him that could defile Mari’s body the way that he did.
Basil convinced himself that if Sunny had come back for him, then maybe their lives could go back to the way it was. If Basil could keep his word for just a few more years,hold his ground for just a little bit longer, Sunny would recover, then come back to rescue him and then world would start making sense again. Sunny didn’t. He never came back.
But Basil still hoped. Sunny had to snap out of his dazes one day. It’s how Sunny was. He’d be off on his own, far away from everyone. He’d look like he’s so distant and unreachable, but he always came back to the group. Sunny always came back.
Basil waited patiently, painfully, for something to happen. Then the months went by, and Basil’s hope turned into worry. A year went by. Worry turned into insecurity. Several years passed and insecurity died a slow and painful death. From its rotten, foul corpse something new and strange rose, screaming, crying and arching its way out of a fresh grave where the bones of something pure had once been buried.
It did not have a name. It was an emotion, segmented into two parts. One part of this creature was fear, the seed that had been growing slowly in the crevices of Basil’s mind, and had finally blossomed into something that was true terror. The other part of this creature was a new found deep dark resentment towards the world, towards himself. And even still! Basil delusionally believed that there was a cure for this sickness. There was a stop to the monster that was manifesting within his psyche.
Then slowly, the cure that Basil had fantasized about had morphed into a bubbling grotesque vile toxin. Acid spewed from the core that was once Basil’s heart, and seeped into his clothes, his flowers, his relationships and his memories. The pungent smell infested all aspects of his life. And it was poison. The more time had passed, the worse the venom got. And there wasn’t any cure.
Sunny wasn’t in Faraway Town anymore, and despite Sunny’s confession that eased some of the guilt off Basil’s chest, and the forgiveness of his friends that allowed Sunny and Basil to move forward, these gifts didn’t do anything for Basil’s diminishing sanity. There was something intensely wrong with Basil. The remedy Basil had long searched for was nothing but myth and legend. The pain lived on, and feasted on what was left_._ It will wreck everything in its path.
There was more weight on Basil’s chest that he didn’t realize had existed until recently.There’s no one else but him that will continue to bear the burden. And it was crushing him. He couldn’t get out. Not on his own. God.
Not on his own.
Basil’s shaky hands reached for Aubrey’s. His first friend, his oldest friend. She clasped his hands in hers. Her face was sad and sullen. She squeezed his palm, and Basil knew in that instant that even if it was a long journey ahead of them, they were going to be okay.
There was a light, shining ever so slightly in the corner of Aubrey’s eyes. Basil wailed, loud and angry and defeated. Basil had pictured a way out differently. He pictured him and Sunny… and never seeing their friends or family again. This was a different way out. This was a door, opening, making way for a future of forgiveness and redemption.
A future towards getting better.
Basil’s way out had looked like a pair of garden shears and the lonesome moon on a quiet night. He never would have thought the better way out looked like his old friend, her arms wrapped around him as they both brawled their eyes out in a cold hospital room.
Basil pressed his face into Aubrey’s shoulder and his friend comforted him. Comforted him in ways he hoped he could be comforted.
He’s missed her. He’s missed Kel. He missed Hero.
He missed Mari.
“We’ll make sure neither of you spiral out of control this time,” Aubrey said solemnly.
They were tired of loss, and heartache. And they had friends who needed their help. It had been time to move on. And this time they were going to do it together.
The months after Basil’s grandmother’s funeral went by in a blur.
He had a lot to do, and a ton of issues to work on. But with the help of Kel and Aubrey, he was making good progress. There wasn’t a dedicated therapist in Faraway Town, so Basil had to be driven to another town to see the therapist there. The therapist was a man in his fifties, owned a farm and loved to show pictures of his favorite pets. He told Basil to call him Mr. Rowan, because sir or doctor made him feel like an old man. Basil liked his boisterous personality, and how frequently the man went off topic whenever they spoke. Basil did feel like he was slightly biased though, since they shared similar hobbies.
Basil didn’t know what to talk about when he had his first therapy session. His therapist was very helpful though, and asked him if he had a list of topics he’d be comfortable discussing, and the type of help he was willing to receive. “It’s all about communication okay, Basil? I’m here to help you, but it’s not something I can do alone.” Basil had trouble opening up, but was thrilled to learn that therapy sessions didn’t mean that he had to speak through most of it. He liked it when his therapist told his stories instead, and through their mutual interests of photography and knowledge of the plant kingdom, Basil had been able to open up more.
Then summer break ended and school had started up again. Basil couldn't see the therapist as frequently as he'd like, but Basil wasn’t terrified. He’s learned some coping methods, and is aware of the unhealthy ones he was doing. He’s better than he used to be, and that’s progress.
Basil might have let his grades slip when his mental health was… not the best. He had to work a lot harder to catch up with the curriculum. Basil didn’t like dealing with grades again, nor the impending future that will come after high school. It made him worry. A lot.
Basil stressed heavily during the first few weeks of school. The high-strung teen began having panic attacks again, despite going a full summer with just two incidents of it happening.
He felt terrible, like he was losing some of the hard work he’s made in therapy. But, instead of letting it overwhelm him, Basil had sought out a distraction. He looked for something else to focus on that wasn’t school, and made him feel good again.
The distraction came when Kel suddenly begged him to join the yearbook club.
"I already put in the word for you and I really think you should take this chance, dude. You haven't used a camera in forever and it would be so cool to see your photos in an actual printed book! Plus, everyone’s going to see and and it’ll be good in a… that thing that art people do when they wanna apply for fancy schools or whatever!" Kel had said enthusiastically.
“A portfolio?” Basil supplied. He’s never considered going to school for photography. He just thought it was a neat hobby, and he got to take pictures of the people he liked best.
So, with Kel’s glowing recommendation, Basil decided to join the yearbook club at Faraway High School. (They scolded him when he had asked where the yearbook club was. “It’s a committee!” a rambunctious senior yelled. “Clubs are for hobbyists.”)
Anyway, he was disappointed that he was assigned to be the sports photographer for the entire school year, but he had joined off of Kel’s recommendation, so they probably thought Basil was good at that type of photography. Basil didn’t even realize that photography had different genres, just like any other art form. He had a lot to learn apparently.
Basil didn’t mind too much though. Taking the role gave him more opportunities to hang out with Kel. Spending time with him and the other jocks was really fun. They let Basil hang out by the bleachers when they practiced, and if they were jogging some would come up to him and talk. Basil was particularly fond of Cris and Jay, Cris’s sweet disposition really helped Basil out of his shell and Jay’s laid-back demeanor reminded him a little of Hero.
Basil did have a little trouble keeping up with the jocks during their games though. The school had three digital cameras in total, and on game days, Basil was allowed to use the camera for the yearbook committee. His old polaroid wasn’t suited for fast-paced photography. Kel couldn’t even take photos with it because of how jittery he was as a child.
Jocks moved a lot. And very quickly. Needless to say, Basil was out of shape, and had trouble following them around the field, while also changing camera settings on the fly. It was… an extremely frustrating experience for Basil who’s taken most of the photos in his life leisurely. Sometimes, a player would run in front of a really good shot Basil was setting up, or Basil had to adjust the camera’s ISO setting because clouds have partially blocked the sun, or Basil just had used the wrong settings (again) and the photo had turned out blurry.
Basil wasn’t suited to be a professional. Maybe he’ll go back and join the garden club, like the hobbyist he was.
There was a game in particular that nearly drove Basil to quit photography completely. It had been a long soccer game, and Basil had been on the field since 4 in the afternoon. The sun had gone down, and the bright field lights strained his eyes until it ached. He was sunburned, exhausted, and irritated by the cries of the rowdy crowd. Basil was trudging along the sidelines, trying to take more shots because he knew that the other ones he'd taken weren’t up to the committee’s high standards. Basil must have not been paying attention to where he was walking, because he tripped. When he landed, he accidentally bit his tongue, hard. It hurt.
Basil wanted to cry. Kel had seen him fall over, and rushed away from the soccer field to help Basil back up.
“Hey man, you okay?” Kel asked. Kel brushed the grass from Basil’s shoulder and patted the shorter boy on the head. “Take a break if you need to alright? I know you’ll take some amazing shots but you shouldn’t be pushing yourself too hard to make this perfect,” Kel said with an uneasy smile. It was rare to see Kel look worried. Basil nodded silently at him, his eyes stinging with tears. He felt like bursting. They care about him so much, and he’d forgotten.
It’s almost silly how much he thought he was going to be abandoned.
For a really long time, Basil believed that he'd never be forgiven, that the only person that can accept him for what he’s done was Sunny, because they had their secrets, because they were best friends. Basil doesn’t know why he tried so hard to be acknowledged as someone special in Sunny's eyes. Basil had held the title proudly, as if the position was an exclusive accolade bestowed to only the few who deserved it.
When Basil was younger, he had lived with his parents, and they moved around frequently. Whenever Basil transferred into a new school, friend groups were usually established, and he was often left out. The children who did try to befriend him didn't have the patience to wait on a kid who stuttered over his words too often for him to be coherent.
When it was decided that Basil would be living with his grandmother permanently in Faraway Town, Basil was excited. And extremely anxious. He wanted to make a good impression with the kids at Faraway Town and had worked to improve his speech impairment every night before the big move.
Being with his old friend group certainly eased away his old fluency problems. Hero and Mari's maturity definitely helped when Kel or sometimes Aubrey spoke over him. He found his place in their little group and for once in Basil's life he truly felt like he belonged.
Sunny was peculiar, the odd kid who spoke very little. But Basil was a kid who wanted his voice to be heard and was never given the chance to express himself. Sunny listened, and that helped Basil gain confidence to speak more. As time went by, Sunny became a little more reserved, and reliant on others to speak on his behalf, or make assumptions on what the silent kid was trying to say. At that point, Basil and Sunny knew the other so intimately, and Basil could interpret what Sunny needed based on the other kid's expression alone.
Sunny’s silence had once been a comfort to Basil. They had their roles: The speaker and his captive audience.Sunny was easily fascinated by whatever information Basil had read in his books. No matter what, his attention wouldn’t waver whenever Basil spoke, and Basil was extremely flattered. He read more, just so he could impress Sunny more. Basil didn’t mind that Sunny was quiet, because Sunny listened.
Basil can’t handle quiet people these days. He detested the silence, the stares. He didn’t know what anyone was thinking about him, and became easy to agitate and high-strung because of it. His gentle and patient disposition was lost forever. Basil doesn’t miss it though.
Basil has come to terms with the new, nasty parts of his personality. The parts of him that were quick to judge, anxious or were just plain mean. He felt more like a kudzu plant than a lovely sunflower. Spirling, spreading, overwhelming and overtaking as the invasive pest that he felt that he was. But, he’s also come to terms that some people like him like that. They liked that he wasn’t as nice as he seemed, and wasn't as polite as he used to be. Some people didn’t like him at all, and that suited Basil just fine.
Aubrey and Kel saw that Basil had changed, they all had. Yet, they still called him their friend. They invited him to dinner, to games or to just hang out.
Basil cried on that soccer field, under Kel’s soft head pats. “Oh jeez dude. It’s just a skinned knee,” Kel muttered awkwardly. The jock couldn’t comfort others if he tried, but Basil knew that Kel was trying his best. He's an amazing friend, with the social skills of a broom. At least he’s tall. Kel escorted Basil to the bleachers, where Basil watched the rest of the game, occasionally sniffling and rubbing the tears from his eyes.
How did Kel do it? How did he move forward all on his own? He must feel the same amount of anguish like the rest of them. But Kel was… The teen was a spring of good vibes, sunshine and kindness.
Basil kept his focus on Kel, and observed his friend focus intensely on the game. Maybe this was Kel’s way of coping. Running around a field with just one objective in mind. Whenever Kel stumbled or fell, he just sprung back up again. As goofy Kel acted, he had zenlike concentration whenever he was in a match. He was quick on his feet, made very good judgment calls when to pass or when to push forward. He didn’t stray from the game. Kel simply kept moving, and didn’t look back.
After that day, Basil knew that he shouldn’t quit being a photographer. He wanted to make Kel proud. He was the youngest member in the yearbook committee, the rest being seniors, and had only gotten his position because of Kel. Because his friend had thought about him. Because Kel had made the effort to help him when Basil needed it.
Basil dug through the yearbook committee’s storage room to find the manual that had come with the digital camera. He spent several days and a few late nights studying the material and learning every single camera function and photography mode. Once he was confident enough, Basil had signed a release form (forging his mother’s signature) so he could take the digital camera out of school and practice with it.
Basil kept close ties with Aubrey, which meant that he had to be around the Hooligans too. He initially tried to keep his distance from them - he didn’t want to impose on their tight-knit circle. They welcomed him. He wasn’t as cool or rebellious as the rest of the group but they considered him a part-time Hooligan (If he was in proximity to Aubrey. If he wasn’t, then Basil was supposedly ‘off-the-clock’ and could continue with his uncool hobbies like reading, or doing his own laundry. Kim’s words.)
Unfortunately, word got out about the Fight amongst the Hooligans. Basil was stressed and on the verge of a really bad mental breakdown when Angel had tactlessly brought it up over lunch.
Before Basil could respond in a panicked, frantic way, Aubrey had screamed across the table, “That shit is none of your business!” Nobody challenged Aubrey’s word amongst the Hooligans, so Angel stepped down and promptly apologized.
Basil thanked her later after school. He was on his way to another one of Kel’s games and had only spotted her as she was leaving. Aubrey merely shrugged at him and said, “I don’t know. It just feels wrong for people to pry around your life and make a spectacle out of it. Seems… I don’t know. Shitty.”
The only person who was discreet enough and even had the audacity to ask Basil about it when Aubrey wasn't around was Kim. She caught him after school sitting in the classroom where the yearbook committee had their usual meetings. Basil often came early to mentally prepare. He had some shots he wanted to submit to the sports spread, and needed the advisor and the head seniors to review them.
Kim walked in, unexpected and completely uninvited. The short girl nonchalantly pulled a chair to Basil’s desk, sat down, and folded her arms across his table. Kim’s brow was furrowed and her mouth was set in a tight frown. Basil was starting to fret about what she’d ever want from him. He braced himself for Kim’s impending ire.
Instead, Kim blew out a long heavy sigh. She leaned back, her game of intimidation hadn’t worked out in her favor, it seemed.
"It really sucks when you have friends fighting. Kinda like a divorce, you know? You split all your belongings into two. Your money, your savings, the car, the bills. and it's not just that. Sometimes it feels like your life is split into two. You have a version of you when you were together, and this weird new version that you're slowly getting to know about now that you're apart. And then the kids. What about those poor children? God, what days do you get Aubrey and Kel?"
"E-excuse me?"
Kim merely shrugged. "Ice breaker. Divorce allegory. It'd be funnier if you've been in a room with a divorced couple."
Basil nodded. That explanation did not help.
"Aubrey's all about your friend group's drama these days, and she vents to me. But uh, not fully. Figured I can ask you about it, you know, get some good info outta you so I can give her some advice when she's stressed."
Kim sighed. "So, what's up? I thought the group was all peachy keen these days? Did you and Knife Kid really get into a fight before he left town?"
"We did…” Basil admitted. He was terrified of Kim, but not in an anxious way. In the “She could really take me down in a fight if she wanted too,” kind of way. Strangely enough, Basil preferred fear stemming from the latter. “S-S-Sunny calls Kel and Aubrey. I'm working through some issues, so I’m not in contact with him," Basil replied defensively. But then he faltered. Kim is Aubrey's close friend. They mean the world to each other. Kim must be concerned, and if Kim was concerned for Aubrey, shouldn't Basil be as well? "Aubrey’s helping me through some of it," he sighed. “And I guess she’s also keeping track of S-Sunny.” That’s… too much responsibility for just one teenage girl. "S-sorry. If...If I knew she was stressed-"
"Just hang out with her more," Kim replied instantly. "I think it’s good that you haven’t regressed to being a loner, and you're looking a lot better, but you’ve been super busy, you know? She misses you. Just show us that pretty face of yours once in a while and I might consider promoting you from a part-time Hooligan to a full-fledged Hooligan. But, between you and me, you gotta consider skipping a day or two of school with us to up your cool points. Spend the day calling us nasty names. Might do you good."
The offer was tempting… Very tempting actually. He wouldn't mind skipping school once in a while. He's done it before, when he wasn't feeling well. But he had stayed home alone.
Basil would consider it.
Anyway, since the leader and co-leader of the group officially welcomed him, Basil had begun hanging around the Hooligans a little more. During one of the Hooligan's spontaneous baseball sessions (Aubrey had denailed her bat and the gang was trying to find therapeutic ways to indulge in their delinquent desire to make a ruckus) Basil realized that the Hooligans could be used to practice taking photos of moving subjects.
The Hooligans were much slower than jocks, and more often than not they’d pose, throw one-liners and quips to one another, then finally pitch the ball. They were easier to predict and it didn’t take long for Basil to begin taking really good shots of them.
After a while, Aubrey’s friends (Basil’s friends now too) began anticipating Basil's visits on their ‘activity’ days. They often invited him to play a few rounds of their makeshift baseball game. They liked to include Basil in their activities when he was around. He rarely played at first, but after a while, Basil began to really like baseball since a good amount of the game is spent standing in a field doing nothing. Plus, Basil didn’t really like playing the other games the Hooligans had like ‘Who Can Tackle Vance the Hardest’ or ‘Who Could Show Aubrey the Sickest Backflip’. It turned out that Basil was an excellent outfielder. (The Hooligans had batting patterns and after watching them through the lens of his camera, he had begun to predict where the ball would land.)
Before Basil knew it, he had been slowly integrated into both Kel and Aubrey’s friend circles. Sometimes Basil felt overwhelmed by the number of people, but it was a good problem to have. He was enjoying his newfound semi-normal life again.
There were days when he exclusively spent time with Kel and Aubrey. Some days he’d be around just Kel and his friend group. Some days he’d be with Aubrey and her friend group.
Days spent with just Kel were rare because Kel liked having company over. But Kel was good at choosing fun people to hang out with. They often had wild stories, or were extremely funny.
When they were alone, Bel and Kel often indulged in video games. Basil was the only person in Kel’s circle that still kind of played video games. Sometimes Basil would help Kel out with his chores, or run errands with him.
Basil grew really fond of babysitting Sally. He really wished he had siblings, but in the past, he had wished for an older one. He’s starting to see the appeal of younger siblings though, especially when Sally began to babble incoherently. When Sally began walking, Kel had called, and Basil had rushed over with his polaroid and Polly in hand. (Polly loved babies.) They spent a good half hour playing the “stumble to your favorite person” game. Kel's mom won, of course, but Basil is glad that Sally had at least walked towards him twice throughout the game.
At one point, Sally had even latched onto Basil’s finger with her pudgy, chubby hands. Her clumsy trust in him made Basil feel like he was approachable again, that he was kind again. Like the toxins in his body that made himself think he was a monster, that he wasn’t redeemable, that he was the worst, had found an antidote. If a child can approach him without fear, then maybe there was hope for him.
Sally then tried to retreat back to her mother but had nearly stumbled over. Basil caught her just in time before she landed face-first onto the floor. She babbled at him as he lifted her up. He snapped a quick photo of her befuddled expression, and then carefully walked across the room and gently handed her back to Kel’s mom.
Basil had a strange feeling when he held the polaroid photo of Sally in his hand. The film itself was expired and nearly five years old, remnants from the box of film he received on his twelfth birthday. Has it really been that long since Basil took a personal photograph?
Basil shook off the melancholy feeling. He should be celebrating. He’s taking photos again, and they are adorable. Basil gave most of the copies to Kel’s mom, but Kel had snatched one for himself. Kel couldn't fit the photos of Sally in his wallet, and had bought a bigger wallet the following day. It was the photo Basil had taken when he held Sally. Her baby eyes were wide with curiosity and innocence. Basil couldn’t stop laughing as Kel popped open his ridiculously large wallet and slid Sally’s tiny polaroid photo into the transparent sleeve. Oh Kel, never change.
“What else are you going to put in there, Kel?” Basil had asked after his laughing fit.
“I don’t know, Basil. The realm of possibilities is endless… There’s so much space here, I’m scared of the potential. I was thinking of putting in gum though,” Kel had answered.
Basil woke up a little disoriented, but he felt better. Maybe he had a pleasant dream, but he doesn't remember it.
It’s Sunday today. Basil looked at the wall clock hanging above his bedroom door. It was 10:30 AM. He was late.
On Sundays, Basil attended church with Aubrey. He’s not religious, and he doesn’t pretend to be, but he likes the preacher well enough and after what Kim told him, Basil took any opportunity he had to spend time with Aubrey.
And, although therapy was good for Basil, the teen wouldn’t shy away from finding another method to cope. And, at least, he and Aubrey were trying to find their own sense of peace together.
After sermons they would eat lunch at Basil’s place.
Basil and Aubrey took turns packing meals, each sharing a dish they made for that Sunday with the other. Basil was horrible at cooking, so he often brought salads or sandwiches. Aubrey seemed to specialize in soups and was surprisingly good at making baked pastas.
Basil was going to meet Aubrey at her place today, before heading towards church as they usually do. But he had woken up late. And, he was distracted.
Basil should send the bulky envelope back to Sunny himself, instead of having Polly do it for him. Is… ignoring Sunny a sign of immaturity on his part? Isn’t Basil past the point of avoidance already? But, is there a right answer for how a person should handle unwanted correspondents from his ex-best friend who was given strict instructions from their other friends to not engage in communication with him?
Basil hates that he’s agonizing over this.
Basil was moving on. He’s trying his best to let go of the past and move towards a new future. His obsession with Sunny was unhealthy. It gave and continued to give him panic attacks. If he could keep Sunny out of his life, forever, then he would be able to progress towards mental stability.
Couldn’t Sunny have waited for a year? Or at least when it’s the holidays and his visit will be anticipated. And where Basil could have braced himself to even think about the other boy? Why did Sunny send this in the middle of November?
Nevermind, forget it. The problem could wait. Aubrey’s expecting him.
Basil hurriedly showered and got dressed. He was about to step out of his room to go to Aubrey's house when his cell phone began to ring.
Basil didn’t have a cell phone until five months ago. His parents came back to Faraway Town on the news that his grandmother had died. They were severely shocked to discover Basil was in the hospital with bruises all over his face and body. His parents had their questions, but Basil couldn’t muster the energy at the time to explain to them what had happened. He was going to, when he was ready.
But, two days had passed and they… They just stopped asking. They didn’t really speak to him at all. He tried to explain to them then, but he was hushed, and patted, and handled. The same way fussy children were handled when they cried too loudly at shopping malls. Those children were given candy, and soft things, and anything to appease them before they acted out.
His parents had stopped by one morning and handed him a cell phone. His mother tutted at his gawking expression and simply hugged him and told him to call them the next time he was in a dire situation. The next time? He didn’t need a cell phone for next time.
Well, he was relieved that they stopped trying to pry the truth out of him… Yet, Basil couldn’t shake off the intense feeling of disappointment.
They… loved him. And he loved them too?
Okay, fine. The truth: The relationship he had with them wasn't great. It had decayed in the years they were away from him.
His father was a real… sports man. Very… He liked soccer, or football, whatever it’s called across the pond. He was nice, and charismatic, and talked in a loud booming voice that could shake the walls of flimsy rooms. He spoke French and British, which was the better version of English apparently, and didn’t like tropical weather. He had a law degree or something.
Basil doesn’t know anything else about him. When Basil was younger, he often thought if he were a little less socially awkward around other children, less sickly, and a little more sporty like his father, then well, maybe they would have kept Basil with them instead of sending him away. It’s a silly observation, in retrospect, but Basil had truly believed that was the case.
His mom was a real estate agent or something akin to that. She traveled with Basil's father and had clients around the world. She's 100% white but through her travels thought she could speak Mandarin, but often said words in very broken Japanese. She was his grandmother's daughter but the apple didn't fall near the tree at all. It rolled down the hill into a baker's bakery and became an exquisite and decadent apple pie. She laughed haughtily at the older nurse’s choice of footwear, and ‘bad’ sense of style. She didn’t know how to hug Basil without her jewelry stabbing him in the cheek.
His parents got along very well with each other. There weren't any overly-mushy pet names, but there was a lot of respect and patience whenever they conversed. His parents were happy in their own little world. Without him.
Basil was raised politely enough by his real guardian to tolerate his mother’s and father’s parental facade with only mild disdain and a slightly sardonic attitude.
Basil’s mother spent a few days keeping Basil company at the hospital, but most of the time she was there, she was in the hallway, chatting with the unfortunate nurses who were assigned to Basil’s room for the day. She’d mock them for working unrewarding jobs, and brag about her superior lifestyle. She was in Basil’s room once, and he had attempted to say condolences to her. She must have been hurting too, right? Grandma was his mom’s mother too. She ignored him, and was tapping viciously on her cellphone. She responded a minute later saying, “Oh, very good, my dear. Very good.”
Basil grimaced. She did stop typing for a moment though to express some mild concern over Basil’s black eye, but had flippantly commented, “That’s not permanent, right, darling? It’s not going to leave a scar on your face or anything, because that’d break Mama’s poor old heart if you were ugly.”
Basil couldn’t believe that his grandmother also raised his mother. Basil’s mother wasn’t even in charge of the funeral arrangements, despite being the only child. She left that task to his father. Apparently, mother was, “Too upset over our dearest Basil to properly arrange Mother’s funeral all by my lonesome.” Well, she didn’t look upset when she went and frolicked around the hospital wing, tormenting any staff member within her perimeter. He didn’t see his father until the funeral. Basil was able to hear his voice though, because his father had picked up his mother from the hospital on the few occasions she visited. He could hear their laughter as they walked away from his room.
So, his father can pick up his wife, yet can’t walk the ten feet to see his son?
He called though. They were awkward short calls, and Basil’s phone by then would have been snatched up by his excited mother. And they’d talk, and Basil would just listen miserably. Unable to join in, unable to be a part of their family.
Once upon a time, Basil would have been thrilled to be in his parents company for more than a weekend, but he found that the people he loves so ardently, were driving him crazy. He wanted them out. Gone. He loved them, but he loved them more when they were apart.
His grandma’s funeral had come and gone. Once all the financial and legal matters were addressed, and Basil had recovered physically, Basil’s mother had booked an express flight out of the country for her and her husband as soon as they were able to leave.
They left the house to Basil (apparently he's going to inherit the estate when he's legally allowed to), gave Polly a promotion, and rushed out the door and away from the small and mundane town as fast as their fashionable suits could take them.
It took a few therapy sessions, and a couple of painful talks with Mr. Rowan, for Basil to realize: They’re horrible parents. They’re terrible parents. Basil was their mentally unwell son, who desperately needed a sense of normality in his utterly chaotic life. His only family member (who raised him) had died. He was sick, mentally and physically from his unchecked trauma. And they could have stayed. They could have seen that he really needed them. But they only thought of themselves.
With a breath of relief Basil had to come to accept that their lack of parental care for him wasn't a fault of his own. His flippant mother and detached father didn’t know how to raise a kid. They loved him, sure, but they didn't know how to care for him.
His dad called often, his mom texted. At least they communicate a little more these days.
Maybe he should guilt trip them into getting him a car for Christmas. For emotional compensation.
Anyway, the cell phone was nice. It’s green, foreign, slid up to reveal a keyboard underneath, and had a phone strap of a strawberry cake that Hero gave him a few months before he went back to college. Basil mostly used it to call, because Kel didn’t know how to text and Aubrey didn’t have a cell phone yet.
There’s just one person who could be calling, since his mom called yesterday and Kel isn't awake before noon on Sundays.
“Aubrey-”
“You’re late,” Aubrey huffed as she cut him off. “You’re never late… Are you okay?”
“I’m sorry. I got, uh, some strange mail, but I’ll sort through it later. I’ll be over in a sec,” Basil replied. He had almost tripped on his way out of the house, but caught himself on the door.
“Don’t hurt yourself,” Aubrey said quietly.
Basil laughed and shook his head. “I won’t, I’ll be careful.”
“It’s your turn to make lunch after.” The static hissed loudly as she hung up. Basil sighed. She’s worried. Aubrey can tell when Basil’s not feeling alright, and it makes him feel guilty. She shouldn’t be fretting over him. He needs to be better, he just has to stop himself from panicking too much over stuff that shouldn’t be a big deal.
Sunny sending him something isn’t a big deal. Sunny had brought souvenirs for Kel and Aubrey when he came back to Faraway Town for Mari’s death anniversary a month ago. He brought over something for Basil too apparently, but when Kel tried to give it to him, Basil had left it on Kel’s kitchen table. Kel eventually sent it back. He’s never asked them what they got, and he never asked what Sunny gave him.
They planned the reunion pretty early on. Basil had no part of the ‘Welcome Sunny Back Committee’ but had been aware of the efforts due to Kel’s big mouth. Aubrey was adamant about giving Basil the space he needed, and Kel being Kel was much more nonchalant.
“Hey, what? We’re all friends! We can all hang out together for just one day. It’s for Mari,” Kel had whined.
Basil… Didn’t like that. He didn’t like it when Kel used Mari against him. The other boy probably didn’t mean any harm, but whenever Mari is brought up, it feels like an accusation.
Basil felt himself begin to hyperventilate. Kel wasn't blaming him. He just wanted the group to be together again. Basil shut his eyes, and thought of distractions: The Hooligans playing catch on a lazy weekend. Sally is trying to babble Kel’s name. The new book he’s been reading is about a man who fell in love with a shooting star. The cup of tea his mother would brew for his father in the mornings after Basil had been discharged from the hospital and the funeral was a few days away. His father would say, “Thank you, Daisy, it’s perfect.” Every. Single. Time. And then they'd share a soft smile, the type of smile that can only happen after years of knowing each other. The type of smile that said intimately, "You know me so well." Basil exhaled. Why did he suddenly feel so lonely?
“What do you say, Basil? The whole gang’s back together again. You weren’t with us the last few days before Sunny left, but this time it’ll be the whole set~ Aren’t you excited?” Kel nudged him in the arm.
“I’ll… I think I’m busy… in the… morning,” Basil lied. He fretted and clasped his hands together nervously. He’s going to be busy for the rest of the century if Sunny’s going to be back in Faraway Town. He’s booked. He’s not available. Ever. Sorry Kel, but Basil’s gone off to visit other countries with his absentee parents who know everything about each other and nothing about their only son.
“Dude! That's great! Sunny’s coming in the afternoon, so we'll have plenty of time to prepare,” he said cheerfully.
Basil doesn’t curse much, not even in his head, because his grandmother has taught him better and he once prided himself on being a polite person. But, fuck.
When Sunny came to visit, Basil decided that he owed it to Kel to at least be amicable towards his estranged ex-best friend. He was going to play nice. He wasn’t going to make a scene, because Kel was right. They would be all there for Mari. She'd want everyone to visit her together.
But then, the day came, and Basil had woken up in a foul, irritable mood. When he looked into the mirror that day, he couldn’t help but be critical.
Basil keenly observed his reflection with worry. He stared at his face, as if staring long enough would reveal signs of a potential mental breakdown later today. He noted that his pale skin had a deathlike pallor, and his eyes were red-rimmed as if he’d been crying. (He hasn’t recently but maybe since he spent most of his early teen years crying, sad became his default expression.)
He looked terrible.
He couldn't visit Mari today, not with Sunny there.
The morning had passed, and Basil had stayed in his house instead of going to Kel’s like intended. Then, when the sun had passed its imaginary line from morning to noon, Basil had rushed out the door of his home and wandered towards the first direction his legs would take him.
Basil found that he had unconsciously followed his typical route to school. Faraway High School was the last place the gang would look for anyone on the weekend. Basil felt extremely lucky, because in his haste, he had accidentally brought along the yearbook’s digital camera. There were several cars parked in front of the gym, which meant there was a team practicing today. Good, a distraction.
Once Basil was inside however, he was dismayed to learn that the gym was completely barren, and there was a crowd around the outdoor pool. The Faraway High School swim team was working on their laps. Basil hated taking photos for them. He liked the team, Cris was the captain and the other members were equally as kind as her, but Basil couldn’t swim. And, since Aubrey had pushed him into the lake, he’d developed a slight phobia of large open sources of water. It’s not terrible, he won’t freeze at the sight of the pool. Being near it unnerved him though.
Basil really didn’t want to go back home and be forced to socialize with Kel, Aubrey, Hero and Sunny. He’d rather be here, with the potential of a watery grave than confront his friends on the day he felt especially vulnerable.
Basil left Kel a quick apology text, claiming that he was called to take photos for the swim team. (Basil had pleaded with Cris to back-up his alibi. She had once told Basil that he could really sway people with his tears, to which Basil fully took advantage of.) Basil had Cris call Kel’s house, and explain that she’s stolen Basil for the day. She threw Basil a thumbs up as she shut her sky blue flip phone. She told Basil that he would have to buy her lunch for this, and he agreed to her terms immediately.
He spent the warm afternoon looking through the photos on the digital camera. Since the camera was shared by the other yearbook members there were other photos that weren’t his. Each photographer had their own style and a preference for what they took photos of.
One of the members only took photos of food. Another member was very good at studio portraits. There were a few bad candid shots, and a funny shot of a teacher charging at the photographer. Basil will try to remember to transfer the Hooligan photos out of the camera’s memory card, or else someone will catch that he’s signed the camera out for personal use.
After browsing through all the photos, Basil attempted to get a few shots of the team. He tentatively made his way to the water, and was standing on the poolside, when a couple of boys rushed past him to do a dive, nearly shoving him into the deep end of the pool. Basil managed to save himself but stumbled back the opposite way, but had landed on the concrete floor, scraping his elbow. He surprised himself. Basil didn’t have reflexes for self-preservation before, but it seemed that he had them now.
Basil didn’t venture near the pool after that incident. He wandered outside the gym, and took photos of the birds in the courtyard, or the flowers that grew by the wilderness in between the school’s sports fields.
Basil spent the rest of the day sitting on a bench outside the gym, under one of the enormous trees. He didn’t leave the school grounds, not even when the sun began to set. As more people piled out and began walking home or to their cars, Basil decided that he shouldn’t stay where people could see him. He retreated back to the abandoned soccer field, and remained there as the orange sky finally darkened. He wasn’t thinking about anything. Basil just focused on keeping himself calm, until it was safe to go back to his house. Until Sunny was gone from Faraway Town.
“Shouldn’t you be going home, Basil?”
Basil was startled, and adrenaline rushed in, making his heart beat wildly out of his chest. Basil grimaced. He’s not a fighter, but he’s learned a thing or two from Aubrey. A-and his camera can be very heavy. He stood up quickly, ready to fling the camera and run, he turned around and-
Oh, it’s Mincy.
“You… gave me a heart attack,” Basil puffed out.
Basil looked around. Everyone had left. There were no cars or people around the school. He’d been standing in front of the small patch of wildflowers that were never cut by the school’s maintenance people. Basil hadn’t even realized he was back here.
“I gave you a heart attack?” Mincy asked. She mumbled to herself, before finally saying, ”I like to wander around Faraway Town. I heard the swim team was here today and I wanted some poses.” Silence lapsed. “They’re so elegant, you know? A little like mermaids…” Mincy sighed. “Especially…” Mincy trailed off, signing again.
Basil’s brows furrowed. Mincy wasn’t making much sense. Why was she here then, when all the cars had gone? When did the entire team leave?
Basil made the irrational conclusion that it was because somehow Mincy had heard of the rumors. Maybe, someone had noticed that Sunny was now blind in his right eye. Sunny’s popular now, people would want to see him. People would have questions. Basil wasn’t ready to answer them.
Basil swiftly began to walk away, apologizing to Mincy before he took off in a sprint. He wanted a normal life, he really does. He knows that he’s physically hurt Sunny, and nearly tried to kill him. He didn’t want to be known as the person who attacked Sunny. Basil didn’t want people thinking he was crazy. He didn’t want to be ostracized. Basil didn’t want to be isolated again.
Basil felt a hand on his shoulder. He was panting, his hands on his knees. When did he stop running? Basil tentatively looked up. Ah, Mincy again. He’s not sure why he expected somebody else. She’s out of breath too, but before she can ask incriminating questions, or shoot an accusation towards him, Basil spoke.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he repeated for good measure, in case she didn’t hear him through his heavy breathing. “I’m sorry, so please… Leave me alone.”
“No, it’s…” Mincy hesitated. “Please, don't run… I just thought you looked lonely,” she said after her breathing returned to normal.
Basil stared at her, nervously.
“I met Kel, Aubrey, Hero and Sunny at the park this afternoon before I went over to the gym, and I don’t know, they looked really glum without you,” she explained. “I think they were worried about you.”
“I don’t need you to check up on me on their behalf,” Basil said, a tad more venomous than he expected. “I’m fine. I don’t need my friends t-treat-treating me like I’m an over-overgrown child.”
Wait, where the hell did that come from? What were these thoughts? His friends cared about him. They just wanted to spend a day together, and he let them down. Basil tried to stop himself from speaking further, but his mouth kept going. “Are other people going to be looking for me now? You’re not going to force me back, are you?” He said, his tone bitter.
“What? No!” Mincy yelled. Basil flinched, and held his arms up in self defense unconsciously. What was wrong with him? He felt horrible. He felt like puking. First he felt insecure, then he felt like a monster. Now he’s picking fights with Mincy? She’s never hurt a soul.
“Gosh, I mean, okay, let me start over,” she mumbled. “You look like you could use a friend. Sometimes I need breaks from my friends when they drive me nuts. It’s… an introvert thing, I guess. I can tell you want some space away, and you should get it, but Basil… It’s nearly 7PM, and you’re still at school. I only saw you because I was just leaving. I live across the street from the field so it's just a short walk for me, but you live several blocks away… And… you looked really out of it. I got really worried… You’re a really nice person, and I wouldn’t want to see you get hurt.”
A nice person? Was he really?
Mincy rubbed the back of her neck, and huffed. “Wanna grab something to eat? It’s my treat.”
Basil didn’t reply. He clasped his hands together as if in prayer, and wept. Idiot. He’s messed up again. Made assumptions and theories and just made a big ol’ stupid blunder. He should have asked Cris to drop him home. Should have asked someone for help. Should have just told Kel the truth and told him he wasn’t ready. Mincy was trying to be nice to him, and he accused her of convoluting and conspiring with his friends, the people who care about him.
Basil sniffled, and Mincy nodded in understanding. Instead of beating himself up over this, Basil decided to simply put it behind. It’s another day, and another mistake. But tomorrow will come, and the mistakes he makes will be in the past. He needs to decide for himself what he’ll do next.
“Thank you…” he said in a hushed tone while he wiped the tears away with his sleeves. Gross, but he’ll wash it when he gets home. “I’m sorry, Mincy. I’m just a little overwhelmed…”
“Yeah, uh… Everyone’s got their bad days,” she replied, her arm on his shoulder.
“I’ve had a bad year, Mincy,” Basil confessed. “But I’ve had worse days, honestly,” he said, a little lighter, a little softer. “This one wasn’t so bad. It could have been a lot worse.” Basil could have collapsed and ended up on the soccer field for who knows how long. It was a weekend and everyone had just gone home...
“The world’s a better place when you have something to lean on,” Mincy replied. “C’mon, let’s go to Gino’s.” She started to walk towards the house-lined streets, and Basil followed. He could see shadows and silhouettes moving within the distant houses. He felt strangely nostalgic.
Basil wasn’t always afraid of being left alone. He’d often walk home on his own after dropping Aubrey off to her house. His grandmother’s house was just a crosswalk away, but more often than not, Basil took his time walking back. He’d stare longingly at the large windows that displayed happy mothers, stern fathers, and several children. If only he could come back to a home like that, a home that was more than just him and his quiet grandmother. He loved her so much, but he was jealous of all the other kids. He wanted to be loved the way they were loved, wanted to have been chosen to be with his parents like other kids have. If only he was as loved. If only he was cherished. If only. If only.
Walking with Mincy now, that sense of envy hasn’t vanished at all. He could still feel the blistering ache of longing, the need to belong, people who’ll care for him unconditionally. This aching feeling leaves him a little sad. And then he realized: This ache in his heart was a deep, ancient problem that Basil hadn’t noticed was there. It had been with him since his parents had dropped him off at his grandmother’s house, hugged him sweetly, then never came back.
They didn’t leave him photos, so he had forgotten their faces. They never called, so he forgot his mother’s voice. Basil doesn’t think of them now, too used to them being gone and since he's seen them recently it shouldn't be an issue anymore.
That doesn’t mean that the ache knows. It will still throb regardless. It will still ache and call for those who are willing to listen to its lonely chime.
He’s grateful for Mincy, and her surprising act of friendship. She was right, he was lonely. At least he’s aware of that now.
But, his loneliness gripped him, made Basil hyper aware of the people who’d leave, and never came back. If… If he had gone with the group today, wouldn’t it just end with another goodbye? Wouldn’t Basil just shatter a little more with each meeting, knowing full well that truly one day, his friends would move on with their own lives, find their own place in this world, and inevitably leave him behind?
Basil shook his head. No, he… these are intrusive thoughts. And, he’s with Mincy at the moment. Basil followed Mincy, and their conversation was a pleasant distraction from the thoughts plaguing his mind. One step at a time, he’ll figure it out eventually. But tonight, he’s having dinner with a friend.
She had bought him a cheap Hero Sandwich at Gino’s.
When the food arrived, Basil promised to pay her back. Mincy laughed and took a huge bite of her food. “Print out some photos for me. I need good pose references, and I can’t use the internet when my mom’s on the phone.”
Basil had smiled, and promised to get Mincy some photos. He then swore to himself that he’s going to try to make a greater effort to reach out when he needs it.
People are going to leave him, but not because he’s done anything wrong. Basil’s insecurities are all in his head. The world won’t end if he doesn't see someone for a year or two. He’ll live.
And if he needed someone to lean on, there’s more than one option. There’s always been more than one option. It’s a support system, not a support person, Mr. Rowan had said on the first day of therapy. People come, people go, but Basil can see that help is around the corner. All he needed to do was ask.
Sunny had come and gone without Basil seeing even a hair on his head, and that had been that. Basil felt a little remorseful, but he wasn’t ready to face Sunny quite yet.
Basil visited Mari by himself. He left her the last white egret orchid he owned. The one that had belonged to his grandmother.
When Basil got home, there was a voice message left on the answering machine from a number he didn't recognize. He wanted to go through it and see what was recorded, but Kel, and Hero had come for a surprise visit. Basil tried to suppress the guilt he felt when the brothers exchanged equally relieved expressions when they thought Basil was looking away.
The day after was the start of finals, and Basil had been cramming for tests for the next week or so. Then, his parents had suddenly called him on his cell, and told him that they told Polly to cut off the land line. When Basil had questioned their decision in deep confusion, his mother had replied, “Oh, I figured that since you and Polly have cell phones, the landline wouldn’t be needed. Besides, sweetheart, you two hardly answer the home phone as it is, and… I hate calling the house expecting someone to answer.”
Oh. Wasn’t grandma the one who recorded the message for the answering machine? Basil frowned, and pictured his mother trying to get in touch, only to have grandma's voice respond to her instead. How often did his mom hear her over the line?
Did she too replay the message over and over like Basil had done? Did she regret not visiting her before she died? Did his mother think she had more time? Is she grieving now, months after it’s all been said and done, and grandmother was six-feet under? Basil… pitied her, just a little bit. At least he and grandma got to spend her last moments together.
Okay, fair enough, Basil had thought. The last voice message on the answering machine, at that point, had been long forgotten.
Sunny and all thoughts concerning him were momentarily allocated to the back of Basil’s mind, where nothing prodded nor provoked anymore thoughts to surface. And there those thoughts remained quite peacefully, until this morning.
The mail shouldn’t have been a big deal. It really isn’t. Okay, forget it. He's late.
Basil rushed to Aubrey’s house, and noted some of the recent upgrades that have been done to the exterior. It had a fresh coat of white paint, and some of the roof’s been repaired. Vance and Kim’s dad really took a liking towards Aubrey, and insisted on fixing up the house for her and her mom.
Something in Aubrey’s mother changed when the man she didn’t know down the street waltzed into her home, cleaned and fixed up her house with his kids, and treated her daughter well. Maybe it was a wake-up call for Ms. Ire. Well, whatever it was, Aubrey’s mother had slowed down on the drinking. Basil had seen her sometimes, walking inside Aubrey’s house. Aubrey’s mom isn’t magically cured of the issues that haunt her either, but what’s important was that she was trying.
Aubrey was already outside, and was shutting the door when Basil arrived.
“Bye mom, I’m off to church,” she called. Aubrey was making an effort too. Basil smiled, as her mother looked out the door and waved at her.
Basil couldn’t hear what Aubrey’s mother had said in response, but through the window, he could see her silhouette standing in the kitchen. It looked like she waved.
She definitely did, because Aubrey waved back. She met Basil on the sidewalk.
Aubrey’s dressed up for church (she couldn’t get over what was said about her attire when Kel and Sunny confronted her all those months back).
Aubrey grabbed his hand immediately and tugged him along as they marched to church together. “If I’m going to try and find my peace every Sunday, than by god, you will find your fuckin’ peace too, Basil. And, we are not going to find our peace late,” she said as they made their way to the cathedral.
“Ow, ow. Yes, Aubrey,” Basil replied, which, strangely enough, sounded like ‘Yes, mom.’ Except that Aubrey was his age, and his real mother was who knows where.
After church, they rarely discussed the ‘message’ for the day. Sometimes what the preacher said would help Basil a little, help him forgive himself, help him cope with some of the more painful thoughts he had. He didn’t pay attention to the more religious sermons, but listened when the preacher diverged into something relatable. Sometimes the messages felt like utter nonsense, until someone else in the cathedral would suppress a sob or a cry.
Everyone’s got their own problems in this town.
It made his own problems feel a little smaller, a little more manageable.
Aubrey would usually keep to herself, during and after service.
They walked to Basil’s home without incident. He unlocked the door and led her inside. The house is empty. Polly doesn’t come in until the afternoons since Basil wanted to be a little more independent these days.
Basil began making himself a cup of earl gray (left in the house by his father - surprisingly delicious with some milk and sugar). He’s become pretty addicted to the drink. It helps him calm down when he’s feeling anxious. He's about to ask Aubrey what she wanted to drink, but when he looked back at her, she was leaning with her hands folded on top of the kitchen table, her expression distant and brooding.
"You looked troubled..." Basil said with a frown. He fidgeted awkwardly around the kitchen before finally grabbing a chair and sitting across from Aubrey. "Care to vent?" he asked as he began to tap on the table with his left hand. He had a powerful urge to pinch the inside of his palm, but managed to suppress it.
Basil doesn’t know what he’s anticipating. He doesn’t like how silent she’s being. His mind briefly flashed back to the memory of when Aubrey had pushed him into the lake. She’d been completely silent then too. She had only begun to speak after a critical mental breakdown. He had wanted so desperately to comfort her then, but she wouldn’t let him. Five months ago, they weren’t the same friends they were before and Basil had hated that.
Basil loathed the person he became when he was waiting for Sunny. He couldn’t even reassure Aubrey, he couldn’t even get close to her without her wanting to shove him away. She knew he couldn’t swim, but her visceral reaction was to protect herself from him, because he had hurt her. But he kept thinking, once Sunny was okay then they’d both apologize to Aubrey. He often fantasized that if they ever got out of the hell that was their guilt, they would have asked for everyone's forgiveness together.
The kettle began to whistle, and Basil immediately leapt from his seat to shut it off. He nearly burned his palm in his haste. He’d like to believe that if he did, it was an accident.
“Do you have coffee? I think I’m dying for a cup,” Aubrey finally said.
Basil exhaled in relief. He shouldn’t overthink. Everyone has problems in their lives, and more often than not, these issues wouldn’t go away even if you wished upon a shooting star or prayed for hours and hours at church. It helped to vent. It helped to face your problems as they are, before they manifested into something beyond control.
Basil glanced at Aubrey, her pink hair was tied in a messy bun and her cardigan had been tossed somewhere on the couch. She looked comfortable, but her fingers were tapping the table, and her leg was shaking up and down.
He doesn’t know what kind of turmoil exists within Aubrey’s mind, but he desperately wanted to reassure her. He’s failed before, and Aubrey had a breakdown because of him, so Basil doesn’t intend to fail now.
“I don’t drink coffee,” Basil said as he began to browse through the kitchen cabinets. “But Polly has some coffee beans around here somewhere… She wouldn’t mind sharing.”
Basil returned with Aubrey’s coffee, freshly brewed in the green mug that was once his favorite, and his own cup of tea, put in the mug his grandmother had owned when she was alive. Having grandma’s things nearby calmed Basil immensely. It may be silly to think that her old possessions meant that he was connecting with his grandma somehow, but Basil didn’t care. He liked the comforts he could find in his life, and if drinking his distant father’s tea from his grandmother’s old mug was a little odd, then fine. Basil was okay with being odd.
“I do want to talk, actually,” Aubrey said after a few sips of her coffee. “I’m just not sure how to bring it up, or if I’m able to say what I want to say,” she admitted, her voice trailing off into a mumble.
"You can tell me anything, Aubrey," Basil responded with determination. "If you need to vent, I'm here for you."
“I want you to know that it’s about Mari,” Aubrey finally said, her voice tentative and slow.
“Y-you have questions,” Basil tried to hide how nervous he was, but he couldn't help but fidget and drop his stirring spoon several times over. He finally gave up on putting the spoon back in the cup, and had placed it carefully on the table.
“It's not about… Not really… Maybe this is a bad idea,” Aubrey grimaced as she spoke but Basil began shaking his head.
“No, no, we can’t avoid this topic forever,” Basil said. He’s talked about some of what happened in therapy sessions, and was heavily reassured that nothing he said would be disclosed. But, he’s never spoken about Mari with his friends ever since Sunny confessed.
It’s funny, because Basil never imagined that they would confess, ever. Couldn’t even believe it when they confessed together. Basil had woken up, disoriented and confused, and was promptly subjected to give his side of the story. He can’t really remember what he said, or what Kel, Hero and Aubrey’s initial reactions were. He just knew that Sunny had done most of the work, and had left the hospital two days later.
Basil has been through a few therapy sessions where he spoke about Mari. The conversations were often brief, never delved too much into the bad, and focused more on how Basil could overcome his deep guilt, but at least he was no longer denying what had happened.
The conversation wasn’t going to be an accusation, or an attack on Basil. He trusted Aubrey enough to not expect the worst.
“I think, before I talk about Mari, I need you to have some context,” Aubrey began. Basil nodded. “You… don’t go to church. Or, you didn’t go to church before they hired the new guy, the new preacher. He’s different.” Aubrey tapped on the table faster, before sighing deeply and leaning back into her chair. Her head was towards the ceiling, her gaze scanning the roof.
“The old preacher was a fart who had very strong opinions,” Aubrey blinked at the ceiling slowly. “He often spat about something he hated, or something he said god wouldn’t approve of. Nonsense to me now, but when I was a kid… I believed every word he said. His words, to me, were god's words. And, I was terrified.” Aubrey inhaled, and blinked back a few tears. Basil didn’t know how to respond, or if he should respond.
“The asshat hated women, you know? Hated them to the core. Don’t even know how the dude even got his job because a lot of the congregation was and is made up of women. He, uh, often talked about how we shouldn’t let women blind us, and… Women shouldn’t be trusted,” Aubrey said with a bitter laugh. “I remember, after that sermon specifically, I’d be such a huge bitch to my mom for no reason. I’d whine for my dad and hide behind him, because I didn’t want to be around a ‘woman’ who told me to pick up my clothes in my messy room, or who made me wear frilly dresses for church, just because some dude standing in front of a lecture table told me to.”
Basil frowned. Aubrey didn’t like going to church. She even had bad memories of it. He wanted to wince. And yet she attended nearly every Sunday after Mari’s death, searching for answers. All she had to do to find them was question Basil.
“I see that look on your face,” Aubrey sighed as she and Basil exchanged equally concerned expressions. “It’s not what you think… Sorry, I want you to understand I’m…”
“S-struggling to explain everything you wanted to talk about, but it just comes out as incoherent and ju-jumbled ramblings...” Basil said after a lapse in the conversation. Aubrey stared blankly at her cup of coffee and nodded.
“I accepted his words as truth, and became a bratty little girl who didn’t want to be associated with women. I was closer with my father, and alienated my mother. I… I was so goddamn brainwashed at that point, it’s kind of embarrassing.”
And then Aubrey smiled a little fondly, a little sadly too. “Then I met Mari and she was kind. The group found me when I had wandered away from my parents at the park, but none of the boys could comfort me as I cried. I clung onto her, and the boys went ahead of us and began calling for my parents. Well, Kel started screaming at the top of his lungs that someone’s lost a little girl. Mari stayed by me the whole time, humming a song until I calmed down enough to speak to her.”
“The group just took me in, made me a part of their crew like I was always a part of it since the beginning,” Aubrey smiled.
“And, I started to care for everyone like they were my own family. And..” Aubrey looked away, her gaze finally landing on the string of photos hanging above the hallway entrance. The photos displayed Basil’s favorite flowers - the ones that reminded him of his friends. One is missing, but Aubrey doesn’t seem to have noticed. Her eyes are fixed on the image of the lilies of the valley.
“And I loved them too, I love everyone dearly. Hero I’ve always seen as a brother, Kel… Okay, I’ll admit that I miss him when he’s gone, and we all love Sunny, but Mari…. I was so confused about how I felt about Mari for a really long time.”
Aubrey’s hands, which were resting on the table, twitched. She frowned, and her eyes furrowed. She took her cup of coffee, blew off the heat for a bit, and drank quietly. Basil waited for her patiently, his eyes focused on nothing else but his friend.
“I never really explored those emotions,” Aubrey admitted, her voice tight and strained. Basil couldn’t help but note that her tone was sad, and laced with something he can’t exactly place. It might be regret.
“I used to desperately try and be one of the guys, especially around the beginning when we were first getting to know each other. I rough housed, I chased, I tackled, like I said, brainwashed. I didn’t want to be seen feminine at all. I hated the girly clothes my mother forced me to wear, the ribbons, the pink. I detested it all.”
“And then, Mari called me cute. She said I was pretty. She called me girly, and sweet, and she said I was the cutest thing to ever exist. God, my heart began beating like crazy the first time she said that. I wanted Mari to compliment me more. I wanted her attention, I wanted her to call me pretty, I wanted to be the type of girl Mari could find cute.”
“I was in love with Mari, but I never knew. I couldn’t have known… I didn’t understand the feelings I had for her, but… even I knew… I loved her. I was in love with her. The same way Hero loved her,” Aubrey whispered, her voice shaken and meek. A confession. Not out of guilt or shame, but out of a deep, endless, tragic love. Aubrey attempted to smile to combat Basil’s shocked expression, but her face was scrunched up into a bitter grimace, and tears were slowly spilling out of her eyes.
“I think, I think a part of me knew since the very beginning. But, I was afraid of something so fucking irrational. I thought god would hate me for loving Mari. For loving another woman. That fucking preacher, my dumbass self, the shit you hear adults say when they don’t think children understand. Do you ever just feel guilty and don’t know why, but grow older and finally understand that there’s been a bias against you since you were a kid?”
Aubrey laughed bitterly, and Basil did not even think when he reached out, and put his hand over hers. He squeezed her hand, but there were tremors. He’s shaking. Basil didn’t know what to do, or what to say. He just felt terribly lost, but he held on, because he knew that Aubrey could really use his support right now.
“I’m okay,” Aubrey said after taking a few deep breaths. Basil clasped Aubrey’s callus hands. Rough, like the girl who owns them, but the touch so delicate that Basil could easily break contact if he pulled away. He didn’t.
“I don’t know if I should continue,” Aubrey frowned.
“No, please, you have to,” Basil insisted. “I-I want to hear you out, c-completely. I want your side of o-our story,” he stammered.
Aubrey nodded. Her gaze no longer lingering to the other corners of the home. Her eyes rested on the table, where their hands were clasped together. She squeezed his hand before continuing to speak. “Mari died so suddenly, without any warning signs. No signal, no indication that anything was wrong. Like a curse,” she said gravely. She was silent for a really long time. Basil locked his gaze on her with determination, and steadied his hands that held hers.
“Basil,” she called. And squeezed his hands, hard. “Basil, Basil, Basil,” she said repeatedly. “I thought god had killed her,” she sobbed. “Because I was gay, because I was a lesbian. I kept it a secret and god knew. I was so terrified,” And Basil had hugged her tightly.
“It was an accident,” Basil heard himself say. He’s never said it, not in therapy, not in his own head. He exclusively reserved the accusation of Mari’s death for himself, but taking the blame was stupid. It was something that no one could have predicted, could have anticipated. There wasn't anything else behind Sunny when Mari fell_._ Basil didn't see god. He didn't see anyone. Just a scared boy who just made a terrible mistake. And Basil had been moments away from making the next.
“S-S-S-Sunny pushed her. He was up-upset,” Basil murmured, his voice not feeling like his own. He felt Aubrey shake as she cried, and tears were getting all over his shoulder. He didn’t mind. “It was an accident.”
Basil put his hand on her head, and patted her like Hero would do whenever he tried to calm her down. “It’s not your fault,” he said out loud, the phrase ringing in his ear like a siren during a tornado. “It’s n-not anyone’s fault.”
“I know, but, listen to me, I sound so stupid,” Aubrey spat. “I know that the creator of the entire universe wouldn’t give a single fuck about the one gay girl who lived in Faraway Town, but god’s a spiteful bitch. It could have been them, how else can you explain it? How else could she have died, if not because the world conspired against her?“
This was… a conversation they should have had years ago. They were similar, in terms of how they coped with Mari’s death. They could have helped each other. Basil could have easily, simply reassured Aubrey, with or without a confession. He should have been there for her. But he wasn’t. He was waiting for something to happen,but nothing ever did.
Basil was left with the aftermath, the broken home, the shattered windows, the survivors of the storm.
They held each other for a really long time.
“So, since I’ve shared my heart to you, and my deep dark secrets, you gotta repay me with some honest answers,” she said through a hoarse voice. There was a fresh cup of coffee in her hand. Basil had set his cup of tea by the counter, and was letting it steep.
Basil had begun making lunch. They were both extremely hungry.
“Alright, that sounds fair.”
“One,” Aubrey said, holding a finger up, despite Basil not looking in her direction. “You don’t… have a problem with… me, right? I mean, you’d… like me if I like girls, right?”
Basil turned to her and held up the cooking utensils in his hand. “Aubrey, would I be making you lunch if I didn’t like you?” he countered.
Aubrey snorted and shook her head. “True… Fine. That question didn’t count,” she said as she waved her hand. “Um… Are you gay too?”
Basil stared blankly ahead, and really tried to dissect his feelings on the matter. “I don’t think I’ve had a crush on anybody, ever.” He shrugged. “I was only able to guess when other people had crushes, but I’ve never had one myself.” He turned on the stove and began cooking the first sandwich.
Aubrey squirmed in her seat and hammered her hand down on the table. “Okay, you’ve never had a crush, sure whatever. But are you gay?” She mumbled something about statistics that she read about in a magazine article, but Basil couldn’t quite catch the details.
Basil flipped a sandwich over and watched it as it sizzled. “I don’t know,” he replied blandly. “Is there a reason why you’re-”
“You don’t think that some guys are cute, or your heart doesn’t start racing when a good-looking guy approaches you? I’m not talking through experience, of course, but I have watched movies.” Aubrey gave Basil a moment to respond, but when he didn’t she continued. ”Since we’re on the topic, you don’t have crushes on girls either then? You don’t think there’s a girl who’s really really cute? “ Aubrey threw a hand in the air and waved it. “Because, Basil, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Faraway Town has a lot of cute girls.”
“No… I don’t… Pay attention to that kind of thing? I can’t find myself preferring one gender over the other… I think flowers are cute… Babies and animals too. Is this what normal teenagers talk about, Aubrey?” Basil asked incredulously. He eventually made a good number of grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch, and then set a plate down on the table. Aubrey took a sandwich.
“Basil, vapid teenagers on television talk about this kind of nonsense all the time,” Aubrey replied through munches. “It’s what adults think we do all day.”
“Talk about our attraction, or lack of attraction to the other, or same gender?”
“Exactly.”
“So, do you have a crush on anyone?” Basil asked after finishing his first sandwich and reaching for a second. He didn’t expect an answer, not really. Aubrey had just revealed that she had feelings for Mari. Basil’s not sure she’s moved on, but asked anyway.
Aubrey surprised him when she responded, “Mmm, Oh yeah, I forgot to mention it, after the… you know, feelings jam…” Aubrey put her sandwich down and clapped her hands loudly together. Basil looked up.
“I’m in love with Kim,” she finally announced. Aubrey looked at Basil with uncertainty, her shoulders hunched and her fists slightly clenched. Basil has a feeling Aubrey didn’t forget this part of her confession. Aubrey shook her head, breathed out, and looked Basil directly in the eyes. “And I’m going to ask her out, eventually… When I’m ready,” Aubrey had trailed sheepishly. There’s still some insecurity in the way Aubrey is holding herself, which broke Basil’s heart a little bit.
“Aubrey,” Basil began, his eyes a little wet again. “I’m so proud of you,” he complimented. He really was. This was a difficult topic for Aubrey, and she was evidently very nervous about telling another soul about her feelings. Basil is extremely grateful that she had decided to break the news with him. She trusted him again.
Aubrey beamed back at him. “I’m proud of me too,” she said, a little more confident than she had sounded a few minutes ago. “And, I’m glad you’re here with me,” she added softly. “I’m glad… I can share how I feel with you again.”
The two friends conversed all throughout lunch.
They were nearly finished with their food, when Basil had noticed that Aubrey had gotten a few stains all over her nice dress. Maybe grilled cheese was a bad choice.
Aubrey and her mother didn’t own a washing machine, and Aubrey did her laundry by hand… It would be difficult to clean that all up.
“Do you want to use the washing machine here, Aubrey? You can grab your regular clothes at home and clean your church clothes out in the back,” he offered.
“Nope. I wash my clothes at Kim’s dad’s place when she’s there on the weekends. I’ve been washing mom’s too. Next Saturday, Vance, Kim and their dad are going to help me tackle the stains outta of the couch.”
Both Aubrey and Kim have rough exteriors, and they are rather crude when they speak, but underneath it all, the leaders of Faraway town’s most notorious group of teengers, really cared for each other.
Basil had felt that they were close, and had often observed the two girls stray away from the rest of the gang, and murmur to each other under the shade of dark trees. He should have known there was something else there.
Basil had assumed that their frequent disappearances was because Kim had wanted to give Aubrey space to vent. He can see now that Aubrey just wanted to spend some alone time with the girl she loved.
Basil is surprised that it took Aubrey’s literal confession for him to realize this. Maybe he would have pieced it together, eventually. But, he’s not as good at observing people as he used to be. Certainly it’s because he’s a little more focused on getting his business back together before minding other people’s.
“Mom’s found a part-time job too,” Aubrey announced, a tint of delight in her voice.
Basil clapped his hands together in surprise. “R-really!?” He really sympathized with Aubrey’s mother. Basil saw parts of himself in her - her misery, her deep depression. When Sunny had left, it felt like a sharp cut to his abdomen, and he’d been too paralyzed to move. Basil couldn’t think straight, couldn’t see anything other than his own grief and he wallowed in it. He’s never once tried to reach out to anyone else. Basil just hoped and hoped and hoped that the one person who hurt him most, would be the person who’d come back and help him recover.
Basil’s glad Aubrey’s mother is tired of waiting. They both had extremely unhealthy coping methods. Basil still pinched himself, or tore out his hair when he’s stressed, but he’s trying to unlearn them. He’s choosing to distance himself. He’s choosing to move forward.
Watching someone who’s been in the same place as him, slowly begin to regain her life too, made Basil burst with hope. “Aubrey, that’s fantastic!” he grinned at her, and Aubrey grinned back. She looked like she was a kid again.
“I can see why you’re going to clean the couch then…” Basil said through mouthfuls of lunch.
He’s a slower eater than Aubrey, but neither teen was as fast as Kel. Basil thought the cooking wasn’t that bad this time around. Nothing he made will ever match up to Hero’s legendary cooking abilities, but at least it tasted better than burnt toast.
It was a start, alright?
“It’s at Othermart.” A portion of Aubrey’s hair had slid down as she ate, and she shook her head, dislodging her hair bun. She opted to flip her hair back. She looked awfully irritated. “Which means there’s one less slot for broke teenagers lookin’ for a part-time job.” She dove back into her sandwich.
“We’ll live,” commented Basil absently.
“Maybe, but I still want a job once winter break starts. I wanna give mom, and me, a washing machine for Christmas.”
“I like seeing Kim on the weekends, but it really feels like I’m imposing on them when I’m over there doing chores.” Aubrey’s shoulders hunched up again, and her brows furrowed. “I don’t know, I feel I’m taking a father’s time away from his kids,” she huffed.
“No way, Kim’s dad adores you,” Basil protested. “He’s nice to you and your mom…” He said, one finger raised. “Didn’t he invite you to their front yard for lunch on the fourth of July?” Two fingers raised. “And you make Kim’s mother uncomfortable,” he added, three fingers raised.
“You can just say I piss off Earnest’s ex-wife,” Aubrey said with a chuckle.
“You know him well enough to call his first name,” Basil held four fingers up. “They like you,” he insisted. “Kim wouldn’t invite you over if she didn’t want to.”
Aubrey began shaking her head, slightly tearing up. “Underneath it all, you’re still the same old Basil, huh?” She smiled at him, despite her tears. “I’m sorry, it just feels so good to see you like this again. It’s like… You’ve been gone for a really long time…” Aubrey wiped her tears away, and Basil grabbed some tissues from the kitchen and handed them to her.
“You used to give the best advice,” she said after she calmed down. “Especially when I felt like I was on the verge of having a fit, you’d calm me down, and reassure me.”
Basil didn’t know how to respond, and merely flashed a shy smile in appreciation.
After a moment, Aubrey recovered, and finished up lunch before Basil did. She drained the last of her coffee, and put the green mug in the sink. She was about to wash it, when Basil gestured at her to put it down.
“Where would you work for a part-time job?” she asked. “Because you promised me you’d find one too.”
“Oh… Um… The yearbook committee sells senior portraits, and since most of the club consists of seniors…”
“They need someone to take their photos? I thought that cameras could do that by themselves? With that one wire thing,” Aubrey did a complicated gesture that reminded Basil a little bit of Kel, but had stopped once she saw Basil attempt to hold back his laugh. “Oh, please shut up… You know what I mean. The thingy.”
“It’s called a self-timer,” Basil explained. “It’s easier to have someone else take one good photo, than to take several bad photos, and run off to the school computer to check if the lighting, angle, or camera focus is alright. Like, I don’t know if you knew this Aubrey, but someone opening the studio door to let extra light in could totally ruin the entire shot.”
“Sounds like you speak from experience,” Aubrey smirked. “Was it K-”
“It was Kel,” the two laughed. “He wanted to see why I was late,” Basil said. “Found me in the studio getting advice from the seniors.”
“Okay, so you found your part-time job for the winter… I wonder what I should do?” Aubrey sighed.
Basil pondered for a moment, and finally said, ”Take a part-time job at Fix-It. Anyone who’s ever worked there quits after a few days, so there’s always an opening. You’d be perfect!” He said excitedly.
“But that would mean I’d have to talk to old men the whole day,” Aubrey frowned, and made a sour expression. “Basil, look at me. No, stop drinking your leaf water and look at me.” She put one hand on her chest. “I’m a teenage girl. A delicate-” Basil snorted.
She kicked him under the table without thinking. Both teens gave the other a glance, their eyes shot wide open. Aubrey is rough with Kel, and the Hooligans, but never with Basil.
Aubrey gasped, and began sputtering an apology, but Basil shook his head, laughed, and waved her off. He kicked her back, not as hard, but with enough pressure to let her know that it was okay. It was an accident. And… Basil wasn’t the delicate little kid he used to be. He can take a few bruises.
Basil’s just glad that Aubrey didn’t use her full strength, like she does with Kel. In some regard, Basil would think that Kel got on Aubrey’s nerves on purpose, just so he can practice dodging her attacks.
After multiple signs from Basil that he was okay, Aubrey began to speak again. “As I was saying, I am a delicate, youthful, teenage girl. A warehouse full of men is no place for me.”
“I wouldn’t want you working in a place you found uncomfortable,” Basil admitted.
“It would be nice to show-up a bunch of old farts who think they can out-do me though,” Aubrey said with a sinister grin.
They spent the rest of the Sunday leisurely. They talked about whatever was on their mind, or the progress they were making in their chaotic lives. Basil briefly mentioned his plan to guilt trip his parents for a car, and Aubrey found it hilarious.
“Ask for a pink car,” she begged.
Basil laughed. “Why can’t it be green?”
“Ask for a white car and we’ll paint it pink and green,” she said instead. “C’mon,” she put a hand on his shoulder. “I know you like the color! You wore that one flower clip for years…”
Aubrey stared at Basil, her eyes scanning his attire, and her gaze landing on to the top of his head where the clip was usually pinned.
“Did you stop wearing it after the fight?” She asked, her tone delicate and low.
“Yeah, um,” Basil began awkwardly. No. That’s not when he stopped wearing the clip. Basil shifted uncomfortably. Aubrey probably doesn’t remember what happened if she’s asking him about it. "The flower clip… It felt into the lake when you.. "
Aubrey stiffened in her chair, and unconsciously sat a little straighter.
“It’s okay,” Basil reassured. “You said you were sorry.”
“Doesn’t mean I can’t stop feeling bad about it,” Aubrey said with a sigh. She ran a hand through her hair.
"I just wish I'd stop messing up." She looked out the window, and gazed up. Basil looked in her direction and saw that the sky was dark and gray.
"Kim told me that even her perfectionist mother fucks up sometimes, so I shouldn’t feel bad when I do," she said. Her brown eyes looked distant, but the expression on her face was fond and very warm.
“The day I joined the Hooligans, there was a thunderstorm, you know,” Aubrey said as the first drops of rain fell from the darkened skies. “And, I was in a really bad place, Basil.”
“If you haven’t guessed, Kim was the original leader,” Aubrey stretched, dislodging her hair bun. She was frowning as she gathered her hair up and attempted to retie it. “The first time I got suspended was because Kim called me a nerd. I think we were in class, and… my grades were slipping. I was trying to emulate how Mari handled school. I tried to cram for exams, and study during lunch… Kim had been sitting next to me and we were given some free time to do whatever we wanted to. So I pulled out a study guide… Kim, gagged at the sight of it.” Aubrey closed her eyes, and rubbed the back of her neck. “I don’t remember what she told me exactly, but it must have been offensive enough for me to tackle her to the ground and start swinging. I… had a lot of rage built up since Mari died.”
Aubrey drummed her fingers on the wooden table. Her nails against the wood created sharp taps over the lull of the rain. Basil was about to stand and ask her if she’d like another cup of coffee, but Aubrey continued speaking instead.
“After the suspension was over, I didn’t bother to go back to school. There were a lot of days I stayed home to take care of Mom. She didn’t get out of bed for days, she wouldn’t eat. She started drinking more. I tried my best, but I was only thirteen. And… And then Mom got fired.” Aubrey huffed, a little exasperated maybe. Maybe she was a little sad. Basil’s not entirely sure. He signaled for Aubrey to go on.
“Dad had left by then, so it was just me and her. Mom stopped leaving the house, and I couldn’t stand being there. It smelt like liquor. Dad’s stuff was still scattered around the house. His shoes were still by the entrance, his work coat was left on the dining chair in the kitchen, there was still an entire stack of his favorite granola bars in the pantry, and we used to get the newspaper at like 5AM, and dad always stepped over them on his way to work, but mom would bring them to the counter so he could read when he got home. And, every morning, since he left, the old paper would be in the trash, and a new one would be there, in its place, as if he had just forgotten again and he was going to come back and pick it up to read it after dinner like he always did. His stuff was all there, waiting for him to return. We were there, waiting for him to come back home,” Aubrey cried, her tone bitter and sad.
Basil felt his fingers flinch. He remembered old orange, gray and pink sweaters left abandoned in the corner of his closet, rainboots and umbrellas discovered in his garden, the sizes too big or too small to have belonged to him, writings on the margins of his sketchbooks from the beginning of the year the script messy, neat, or curly. His heart ached. He still had their belongings, somewhere in his home. They've all been left in dark unused corners, waiting for their owners to find them again.
Basil nodded. He understood a little too well that sometimes, it felt like whoever you’re missing could come back any day. And they don’t, and they won’t. Or if they do, it was too little too late. Basil and Aubrey aren’t the same angry or sad little kids they were when these people have gone.
“I couldn’t stand being home. I didn’t want to see the broken pieces of my mother, I didn’t want to see the shattered remains of my family. I went out a lot. And, I went out angry. I began looking for something, someone to take my anger out, and, in my head, I couldn’t stop thinking about Kim. I couldn’t stop blaming her, couldn’t stop thinking that all my problems would be solved if I just fought her, and won.”
“I sought her out. I confronted Angel, Mikhael, Charlene one-by-one and demanded to see their leader.” Aubrey frowned. “They trembled as I shouted at them, and none of them were coherent enough to give me answers. But of course, word got around.”
“If the Hooligans ever needed help back in the day, they went to Kim. Kim looks after the Hooligans. She’s a softie like that,” Aubrey said the last line with a tiny smile. “She wouldn’t have someone intimidate her friends, so she confronted me, on a day like today.”
“I… didn’t want to fight her.” Aubrey shrugged. “I was just pissed. And hurting, and I wanted someone to hurt too, I think,” she exhaled deeply. “When I pushed you in the lake, it was because I couldn’t see that you were hurting like I was.” Aubrey frowned. “You were in pain, and I was only thinking about me.”
“Aubrey, look, I’m doing okay,” Basil said with an uneasy smile. He sighed. He didn’t want Aubrey to worry anymore than she should. She was having a good day today. Instead of letting the mood get sour, Basil decided to tactically change topics and asked, “When did you realize?”
Aubrey tilted her head, her facial expression blank, her brows furrowed and her brown eyes squinting. “Huh?”
“Like I said,” Basil had picked up the spoon he had placed on the table and was nervously fidgeting with it. “I’ve never liked someone… romantically before… I guess… I’m-I’m curious? How did you know that you liked Mari, or Kim? What made you realize?”
Aubrey laughed, and rested her elbows on the table. She leaned forward, and said in a hush tone, “She makes me feel special.”
Basil nodded, a gesture for the other teen to elaborate further. “Whenever I’m with Kim, I really wanna impress her. I want her to see… That I’m worthy of her approval. I was the same with Mari too… When Mari called me cute… When Kim calls me tough, I feel like I can aspire to be something greater than I already am.”
Basil nodded, and held her hand. “Well, you can count on me to keep your secret. And, well, when you’re ready…”
“I hope you’re not doubting me,” she replied, nudging him. “The whole world will know , one day. I want to be the best version of myself before I can ask her out.” Aubrey looked at her callused hands. They were no longer dainty and delicate like they were four years before. “She’s helped me climb out of a dark pit, Basil. And, I want to be stronger, for her, for me too. And when I’m the best I can be, I’ll confess my heart out.”
Basil blinked. Aubrey looked different, like she was glowing.
“No, I haven’t doubted you for a second.”
Aubrey hung out at Basil’s place for a while and only left when Polly finally came over for the day.
Basil escorted Aubrey out, and she hesitated going outside. Basil was about to ask her if something was wrong, before Aubrey turned around swiftly to give Basil a big hug.
"Thank you," Aubrey said softly. "Thank you so much… I'm… proud of you too, by the way." She's such a softie, isn't she? Basil grinned, and couldn't stop grinning.
Basil waved as she disappeared down the street.
He shut the door, and collected the dishes they left on the table. He’d often scold Polly for doing too much around the house, because he wanted to do chores on his own now. Basil had grown to appreciate her, but she wasn’t his goddamn maid.
Oh, jeez. Aubrey’s colorful lexicon was rubbing off on him.
Basil and Polly shopped for groceries together, and Polly had been teaching Basil how to drive. He could do most of the house work on his own, and would only ask Polly to help him if the task was too much for one person. They got along a whole lot better these days. She kind of felt like an aunt instead of a caretaker.
Since Polly’s list of duties had shrunk, she spent a lot of time tending to the garden. Basil had grown too busy after school to take care of them like he used to. She also cooked dinner, and brought most of it home to her husband and kids after work. Polly wanted to try a new recipe, and was prepping some veggies.
“I’m so glad that you and Aubrey are spending so much time together,” Polly said, as Basil began working on the dishes. Basil merely nodded, his thoughts straying back towards the mail in his room. Aubrey was a pleasant distraction, but he couldn’t avoid what troubled him forever.
Basil thought about what he and Aubrey discussed today. He was so invested in their conversation he had forgotten to ask for her advice. He had forgotten about Sunny’s envelope. Basil, closed his eyes and let out a very long sigh.
He should at least try to be receptive towards Sunny’s attempts to bury the hatchet. Or in Sunny’s case, the knife. He puffed out a feeble laugh. Okay, that was funny. And a little mean, but it was really funny. Basil laughed harder at his shitty joke.
Wow, it’s fun cursing in his head.
“Oh, I was a lot like you too when I was younger,” Polly teased. Huh?
“My husband was an old childhood friend of mine, you see. We lived in a very remote little village surrounded by nothing but the woods for miles. My grandfather owned one of the only stores in town. It was a quaint little furniture shop, just right around the corner from my childhood home… My grandfather was a carpenter, and passed the skill down to any one who wanted to learn. My lover would often visit my grandfather for mentorship, and he’d always be sweet on me. He’d make me little trinkets out of wood, or find wild flowers from the woods. Whenever he went home, I’d sigh and do my chores begrudgingly. But, I’d suddenly be giggling. I couldn’t control my emotions whenever I thought of him. I was only sixteen, but I wished he’d just sweep me off my feet already and take me far, far away,” she said with a sigh.
“You must be quite taken with her. You’re sighing and giggling like I was whenever my love was away. Are you thinking about Aubrey right now?”
Basil sputtered, too shocked to correct her. No, Polly. Aubrey was… there’s a word for it, but Basil can’t remember.
Aubey liked girls, exclusively.
And he was actually thinking of Sunny. But he couldn’t tell Polly that. The part about Aubrey liking girls. He’s not sure what she’d think if he told her he was thinking about Sunny. Polly doesn’t know much about the mysterious dark-haired teen besides the fact that he was probably what triggered Basil’s breakdown a few months back.
“Ah, I’m sorry, maybe I’ve misunderstood your relationship?”
“Um, yeah,” Basil replied after regaining his bearings. “I’m… Aubrey and I are just close friends, Polly.” Aubrey was pretty, and he loved her, but he didn’t have a crush on her.
“Oh, is that so? Aw, but you’re obviously yearning for someone in your heart…” Polly merely tutted and folded her arms on her waist. She turned around and began tinkering with the kitchen utensils, giving Basil the indication that the topic and conversation had been put aside for now.
After Basil finished up the last of the dishes, he offered to help her cook, but she declined. “Just for today. I’ve been wanting to surprise my husband with something he hasn’t eaten before, so I’m really hoping to perfect this all on my own.” So, with nothing else to do for the day, he went back to his room.
Basil took a moment to dwell on what Polly had implied about him and Aubrey.
Was he supposed to be thinking about crushes and romance at his age? Polly told him that her husband had been ‘sweet on her’ since they were in their teens. Aubrey had a crush on Mari when they were kids, and is confident that she’s in love with Kim. Aubrey’s only sixteen. Hero and Mari had their relationship nearly solidified by the time they were fifteen. Sunny had a crush on Aubrey a few months before he turned twelve. Kel… Basil wasn’t sure if Kel had crushes, but he’s certainly aware that Kel has a lot of admirers. They screamed in the bleachers when they thought Kel was waving at them. (But Kel usually waves to where his family was cheering for him, or to whatever direction Basil was taking photos at.)
Normal teens can fall in love and have crushes. Basil was still working his way back to normality.
As Basil entered his room, his line of sight naturally locked onto the mail by his bed. It was illuminated by the golden rays of sunlight that passed through the window above his bed. It felt… Like a beacon was calling him to it.
Basil stared at the corner of his room with slight awe, and a tint of worry. Maybe it’s a sign. He’s trying to be better. He’s striving for normality. And, after what was discussed with Aubrey, Basil is starting to believe that he’s progressed a lot more than he’s realized.
Mail from Sunny shouldn’t throw him in a tizzy.
Basil reluctantly picked the envelope up, and frowned as he read Sunny’s messy script below the drawings of the cat and sunflower.
To My Best Friend - Sunny ☼
Basil grimaced, dropped the envelope and covered his face with his hands. And he sobbed, quietly. How dare he. How dare he use this cherished title to disarm him?
They’re not each other’s best friends, not anymore. They haven’t been for a long time.
Basil can’t help the small leap of joy in his heart as he read that one line. Just one second of exposure to Sunny and Basil wanted to eagerly accept him back in his life. Because they were best friends.
And yet, Basil can’t help the trepidation in his gut that’s screaming at him to get away from the incoming storm. To run and hide and seek shelter before the foundation comes apart. Sunny will tear him apart, not because he intended to, but because Basil can’t help but sacrifice everything for his sake. The incoming storm won’t abate once it touches landfall. It will blast everything in its path, tossing things up in the air, and hurling them to places unreachable. All of Basil’s progress will be unraveled in seconds, and he’s afraid that there won’t be anything left in the aftermath.
Basil didn’t want to lose progress. He’s been doing so much better. And, Basil wasn’t going to falter over a moment of weakness.
Sunny could miss his best friend all he wanted. Basil missed having a regular average life again. And If Basil had to choose between one or the other, he’ll pick having a shot of normality. He’ll pick arguments with Aubrey. He’ll pick lazy days with Kel. He’ll pick Kim tossing Aubrey’s bat on the ground because Basil had caught her ball. He’ll pick lunch with Mincy. He’ll pick Cris singing poorly to Broadway songs in her car. He’ll pick Jay and his constant desire to drum along every surface he can find. Basil will pick all of that, over one person.
Everyone else over his best friend.
Basil forced himself to get up from his bed and retrieve the envelope. He set it on his bed, made a quick stop to the bathroom to clean up his face and wipe his tears, and came back. He took the bloated envelope, and stuffed it in his backpack.
It’ll be sent back to its owner, come Monday morning.
I really like what I wrote here! I'd love to come back and clean up some loose ends, but I'm afraid my days of writing fanfiction is simply not viable. I'm extremely busy! I like doing other hobbies too! And I really, really really like writing about my OCs.
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